ready for camp?

my friend and sister, a veteran in sending her three children to numerous summer camps inspires me to write about my own summer camp thoughts...

unlike her, it will be my first time to send my unica hija arianna out to summer camp on her own next week. i heard a lot about this particular summer camp and wanted her to join last year. she was nine then and refused to join. my husband and i even thought of serving in the camp just to encourage her to go. we wanted her to join but did not really want to force her to. when we told her we will serve if she joins, she was literally in tears, torn between not wanting to go and not wanting to disappoint us. so of course that was the end of our discussion last year and we had no choice but to wait a year and just hope that she would finally join the following year.

the following year has come. this time when i asked her about it, she just asked me when and simply said yes, no ifs or buts. it seems after a year, she is really ready to join. it is but a week to go before we send her off away on the bus and for three nights and four days to a new place with new people. i waited for a year for her to be ready. but now that she is, i don't think i am that ready. i know it will be fun. i know it will be a great learning experience for her. but i feel i was more ready last year. and maybe it's just because it is going to happen now for the first time, for sure, and soon.

i feel like i want to start packing her things for her because i want to make sure she has everything she needs and even more, for the just in case this, just in case that. it is as though doing so will lessen my anxiety thinking i will be preparing her well for camp. but i know i should stop myself from doing that. i have to trust that she can take care of herself and will be alright before, during, and after camp.

i have to be ready just as much as she is, for her camp.