Tuesday, August 01, 2006

hurting without knowing

through a friend i found out i hurt someone for over a year now, not even knowing that i did. she was never a close friend but the realization was still an unpleasant surprise, more of a shock even. it still made me feel terrible. it has been a long time. i could hardly remember the conversation we had which for some reason hurt her. was i callous? or was she overly sensitive? did anyone put words into my mouth? did she misinterpret me? did she misunderstand me? i do not know and i cannot even remember.

she had kept quiet all these months. and even admitted to our friend that she was certain i was unaware that i hurt her feelings. but why keep such hurt to herself for so long, only to share it to a friend as if it were from a wound just inflicted on her yesterday? i cannot understand.

i want the both of us to heal by communicating but she won't. i am ready and eager to clear up things between us, but she isn't. even after over a year, why? i cannot understand.

maybe my friendship doesn't really count to her. so maybe it doesn't really matter whether we communicate or not. i should probably just let it go and not sweat it out. anyway, it has been over a year. but then again, just realizing that i have been hurting someone over a year without even knowing it, even if that someone is not a close friend... the feeling is even worse than hurting someone intentionally.

i think life is too short to be marred by miscommunication or the lack of communication between friends. should i have been better off not knowing that i hurt her? should i even be bothered? but i already know. and i already am bothered. so now what?


Blogger mama_aly said...

in the great words of my friend, arlene ---- 'wag kang magpaapekto!

if your attempts at repairing relationships are being warded off then perhaps she needs more time...

pray for her.

Tuesday, 01 August, 2006  

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