today

and so the inevitable happened today... at 5 years, 9 months, 2 weeks and one day.

i have been driving my son roque to the meeting place of his school carpool daily for the past three months now. and today, before we went out of the house, he asked me, "mom, can i have my kiss now?" and i asked him, "why?" i always kiss him goodbye when i drop him off the carpool meeting place, where five other kids and their yayas wait.

"because," he says. "because what?" i asked, and further, "because you don't want your friends to see me kiss you?" and then silence for a few seconds...

"no, not that," he says. "eh, what?" i prodded.

"nothin'," he answers. "nothing? what do you mean nothing?" i followed up.

"just nothin'," he smiles. "so maybe it's because you don't love mom anymore," i fished.

"no!" he denies firmly. "are you embarrassed? do the boys tease you?" i asked. and then silence again, but longer this time.

"ok, nevermind," i agreed, and planted a sniffy-kiss on his head before we left the house.

"do you still love mom?" i asked. "yes, i love you," he says, as we walked to the car.

i understood perfectly why and i know this stage would come. i just didn't expect it to come this early, as he turned 5 years, 9 months, 2 weeks and 1 day.

while in the car on the way to the carpool meeting place, we prayed as usual. i prayed aloud as he listened. "dear god, thank you for this day. we pray that roque and his ate will have a fun day in school today. thank you for their teachers and classmates. keep them safe as always." i would have ended there with an our father and a hail mary but this time, i felt i had to seize the moment. and so i continued, "thank you dear god for giving me roque. thank you for making him a loving boy, even if he doesn't want his friends to see me kiss him." just then, i heard him let out an exasperated sigh. and i went on, "i still love him and i know he still loves me." and as i was still inspired by the song in mama aly's post, i added, "let him remember that i will always be here for him and also for his ate no matter what because i love them both very very much. amen."

we ended just in time and i had to let him get off the car. i guess he knew i would still kiss him anyway so he put his head down lower than the dashboard, unseen by the teasing eyes of his friends. a compromise, he probably figured. well, any which way is good enough for me and so i sniffy-kiss him again secretly before he got out of the car. "thanks, mom."