thirteen and her own

my oh my, i am now a mom with a teenager. yes, arianna turned thirteen today! gosh, i am so not prepared. i wish i read all those books on parenting teenagers. but my friends say that although those may probably have given me some confidence, as if having ammunition while going to war, those will never prepare me enough. nor make me feel i am prepared enough. still, i would have wanted some ammunition.

so i plunge into this next phase because there really is no choice, is there?

arianna is our one and only daughter, and i wish her nothing but the best. as i look ahead with uncertainty, i look back at the times when she brought us tears of joy just going through milestone after milestone with her. i also look back at the times when she brought me tears of exasperation and frustration, albeit unknowingly and without meaning to. those were the times i may have been quite over-protective, something i am learning to be less of. and those were the times i may also have been expecting too much, like wishing she was more athletic and less into finger-sports... more friendly and less shy... more demonstrative and less constrained... more gregarious and less quiet... more competitive and less laid-back...

i look at her now at thirteen... artistic, intuitive, sensitive, insightful, content... i realize how she has grown unto her own.

i pray that i wish not more whatever and less whatever. i pray that i be able to understand her and to always keep an open mind, to not be too quick to judge her and to always be patient, to not expect and push her to be what she is not and to always be encouraging, to accept and to always love her unconditionally. dear god, please grant me these ammunitions, not in preparation for war, but in anticipation of peace... peace of mind and heart and the grace to not lose sight of your plan, and to be the kind of mother you chose to selflessly care for this unique gift of a child. amen.