now i get him

over the weekend, i attended a recollection which reinforced some basic beliefs, introduced new teachings, and provoked me to answer questions.

who am i? it started. i am what i do... i am what other people say i am... i am what i have. i struggle to answer that and realize i didn't know how to. but it continues. the answer is none of the above. it reinforces. a beloved daughter of god is who i am. and this is the basic truth. this i usually forget, being caught in the day to day activities and list of things to do, and even in the long-range planning of dreams i hope to fulfill.

a month ago, my brother and his wife, who are both very prayerful, took a big step as they left for the states. he related to me their experience when they arrived in the airport. they were so anxious about their luggage that was lost as it didn't arrive with them. to make matters worse, the airport official was very rude and quite hostile. his wife was in tears out of angst, anger, stress and self-pity all rolled into one. calmly he told his wife, don't worry, "alam natin kung sino tayo."

why am i sometimes anxious, disheartened, unhappy? because i forget the basic truth. i forget who i am as i have little gods. and little gods crowd my heart and my soul.

hmmm...!

what stirs a mother's senses?

s e e i n g your baby smile while sleeping

s m e l l i n g your newly bathed baby's scalp

h e a r i n g your kid's belly laughter from a tickle

t o u c h i n g and rubbing nose to nose with your kid

f e e l i n g your kid's heartbeat during a 10 second hug

recreational companionship

one of the top five needs of husbands

this recreational companionship.

got into scuba diving

plunged into white water rafting

challenged ourselves mountain climbing.

tuesdays for heart thumping tennis

fridays for soulful prayer meeting

rare nights for dvd movie-watching.

snooping into unfinished houses

hunting for treasures in quiapo and divi

into sidestreets of evangelista recently.

dining out at a novel resto or bar

discovering various cultures

through our travels near and far.

being playful, being serious

being silly, being spontaneous

being romantic, being adventurous.

uplifting and exhilirating

so wonderful and fulfilling

this recreational companionship.

my turn, my turn

my time to blog but
lupmojikmghjkutrojpkmgfjrhijlihgbmdujkfhhklpovfzrytop
that was roque
butting in.
dfqgqdqfqdasqcavsbzssdscsvxtrtexp
there he goes again.
i think he's telling me
it's "my turn, my turn"
dddddddddddddddddlu;u
to tinker around with the "planku" (computer).
fgggjhghgjhkfnmmbnxvccxzqsbjn jkhnjnmytyoodaqqwww
or i guess he's telling me
it's "my turn, my turn"
with you, mom.

ok, bye for now blogspot.

sad wednesday

this morning, the inevitable happened. we arrived at my mom's house to find out that only one of the two pet chicks of arianna was in the box. it's only been two and a half days since she brought home the cute purple and aqua chicks from a birthday party. she had a big box prepared for them, with holes so that they could breathe, a bottlecap-ful of seeds and cup of water for each of them, and newspaper lining changed every morning. for the past two mornings before going to school, and as soon as she arrived from school, she lovingly checked up on them. it's not out of lack of care that she had lost the aqua chick. the chick had apparently squeezed itself out of one of the holes and wandered where the pet dog was. you guessed it, it was a violent one.

she cried buckets when she heard the sad news. as if a relative or dear friend had passed away. indeed she was always the sensitive and sentimental one. if only i could spare her from any disappointment or sadness or loss, i would. but that is beyond my human power. and just like anything in life, these things and even worse things than these happen. for now, i could only empathize with her and help her let go. i know not-so-happy experiences like these help us prepare for other inevitable not-so-happy moments to come. i will try not to shield her, but instead, experience her experiences with her along the way, and share my strength with her if need be. so i could prepare her to be strong enough to later on be able to let go of the bigger things in life.

wet dreams

i should say that successfully toilet training a toddler is one of the greatest joys of parenthood. it's like being finally liberated from the bonds of diaper dependency. i am in that stage now and enjoying the funny (and messy!) experiences of it. and this one tops the list so far.

last night as i was tucking in my little one, roque, i reminded him to please wake up to go to the toilet if he felt like pee-ing. and like the engaging dutiful son that he is growing up to be, he cheerfully said "yes!" so off to sleep he went. in the middle of the night, he suddenly stood up on the bed, walked to the edge, held his thingy and started to pee. i should really be happy because he did as instructed, right? well, almost! yup, he did what i told him to do. but that was without removing his pyjamas... and that was way too far from the toilet bowl... and that was without opening his eyes! wow, was he actually dreaming and sleep walking!?!

it's amazing how one can train kids to do a task. i guess if they listen well enough, and pay attention well enough, even in the subconscious, they will follow. or at least have the desire to do so. for my particular little one, i guess bedtime is a pretty good time to inject pretty good stuff to be absorbed by his sponge brain.

maybe this is why he looks forward to our bedtime prayers and even reminds me about it when i forget. for me, it was a good habit which sometimes i took for granted and thus sometimes forget to do with him. whatever it is to him right now, i'm pretty glad to know that it is in both his subconscious and conscious mind to pray before we sleep.

cannot sleep

it is almost 2 am. i cannot sleep. i see my kids and my hubby, peacefully dreaming. yet i cannot get myself to join them.

the events of the week swirling through and filling my mind. turmoil in our country. dishonesty, disrespect, discontent, and dismay. what is to happen? what should we do?

are there slivers of integrity... strips of honor... streaks of hope... left?

other thoughts filter in. ask, pray. lift up, pray. trust, pray. claim, pray. in his time.

i look at my kids and my hubby, still peacefully dreaming. i should be thankful for this peace despite. praise and thanks be to him for this peace.

i finally lay my head. no need to count sheep as i focus on the shepherd. now i can join their peaceful dreaming.

sniffykiss

what's a sniffykiss?

sniff that rolls into a kiss

so tender it is.

why the sniffykiss?

two senses tickled at once

tugged like in a trance.

oh that sniffykiss!

makes such sweet second linger

beyond forever.