Sunday, August 27, 2006

ay grabe

ay grabe. i haven't blogged for almost a month now. you can say that again. ay grabe.

i was just toooooo busy with so many other things that blogging took the very back seat these past weeks. hospital work, kids, administrative meetings, parent rep meetings in montessori, silver homecoming preparation meetings, collecting materials for our memory book... organizing committee meetings for the rehab midyear convention... etc... etc...

there were so many issues i wanted to blog about pa naman...
... how to get the helpers help each other -- my successful spur-of-the-moment mini mission-vision session with them
... the terrible stiff neck i experienced for the first time ever -- now i know exactly how some of my patients feel
... my refusal to take meds round-the-clock for my stiff neck-- now i also know why a number of my patients do that
... my new wrist slasher patient at the psych ward, and the psychiatrist who let her go home too soon -- thankfully my patient didn't slash her other wrist after that
... my high school classmates who "make tampo" as if they were still in grade school -- thought we were way too old for that
... how i so hated the inquirer article about jim paredes giving up on the philippines, which the inquirer apologized about -- that did not make me feel any better though, not one eensy-weensy bit
... my 11 year old daughter arianna, who just bought a pair of wedgies to replace her wooden flat sandals -- i really have to prepare myself for the inevitable
... my 4 year old son roque, who got into a discussion with me about boobs, something he learned from his classmate, jaime, that "boys have small boobs and girls have big boobs like you mom" -- thank you, roque

ay grabe. will have to make sure i have time to spare more nights for blogging. ay grabe.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

hurting without knowing

through a friend i found out i hurt someone for over a year now, not even knowing that i did. she was never a close friend but the realization was still an unpleasant surprise, more of a shock even. it still made me feel terrible. it has been a long time. i could hardly remember the conversation we had which for some reason hurt her. was i callous? or was she overly sensitive? did anyone put words into my mouth? did she misinterpret me? did she misunderstand me? i do not know and i cannot even remember.

she had kept quiet all these months. and even admitted to our friend that she was certain i was unaware that i hurt her feelings. but why keep such hurt to herself for so long, only to share it to a friend as if it were from a wound just inflicted on her yesterday? i cannot understand.

i want the both of us to heal by communicating but she won't. i am ready and eager to clear up things between us, but she isn't. even after over a year, why? i cannot understand.

maybe my friendship doesn't really count to her. so maybe it doesn't really matter whether we communicate or not. i should probably just let it go and not sweat it out. anyway, it has been over a year. but then again, just realizing that i have been hurting someone over a year without even knowing it, even if that someone is not a close friend... the feeling is even worse than hurting someone intentionally.

i think life is too short to be marred by miscommunication or the lack of communication between friends. should i have been better off not knowing that i hurt her? should i even be bothered? but i already know. and i already am bothered. so now what?